This blog was very kindly written by unpaid carer Rosario.
‘Christmas is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for those of us caring for a loved one with a health condition, it can also bring unique challenges and pressures. The expectations of a perfect Christmas can feel overwhelming, especially when combined with the everyday realities of caregiving.
As a carer for my mother, who has Schizoaffective Disorder, I’ve experienced both the joys and difficulties of the festive season. I know how financial strain, social isolation, and the loss of traditional routines can weigh heavily on carers and their families. Yet, over time, I’ve learned ways to ease the pressure and find moments of peace and connection during this time of year.
Here, I’d like to share some reflections and practical tips that may help other carers navigate Christmas in a way that feels more manageable and meaningful.
Financially, it’s tough. If the person being cared for isn’t working, and the carer is unable to work full-time (or at all) money can be tight. There’s often a feeling that love should be shown through extravagant presents, and not being able to do that can feel disappointing.
Emotionally, it can be even harder. Christmas is meant to be a cheerful, social time, with parties, gatherings, and big family meals. But when someone is suffering from a health condition, it can be difficult for both the carer and the cared-for to access that festive feeling. Carers may feel too burnt out to join in, and their loved ones may feel disconnected or overwhelmed. The result can be a shared sense of loneliness and isolation.
Even seeing family can be complicated. Some relatives may not understand what it’s like to be a carer or to live with a health condition, offering comments or advice that feel unhelpful rather than supportive.
Carers often don’t get a break during Christmas. While others are relaxing, we can’t simply put down our responsibilities. And during this time, when everything shuts down partially or fully, there’s often less support available which creates additional uncertainty and stress.
Mental health struggles can also be amplified during the festive season as I know only too well from my own family’s circumstances. For someone with low mood or other symptoms of mental illness, the pressure to put on a festive persona can be too much. Feelings of guilt, whether for not being able to do it all or for simply struggling during a time of supposed joy can make this time even harder.
Speaking from my own experience, I’ve had to learn that less can sometimes be best. When I was younger, my extended family would organise bigger Christmas celebrations, and we’d simply show up. I loved those times, and it’s sad to accept that things aren’t like that anymore.
This year, for example, my mother, who is currently in the hospital, won’t be able to come home for Christmas Day. Instead, we’ve decided to celebrate a few days later, when she can visit for the day. We’re keeping things low-key, with an emphasis on relaxation. I’ve come to realise that Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect, it needs to fit the lives of you and your loved ones.
If you’re a carer, here are some ideas to make the festive time more manageable:
- Keep Things Simple
Christmas doesn’t have to be stressful to be enjoyable. Consider simplifying meals with pre-prepared food or ordering in, and focus on activities that bring comfort and connection, like watching films or going for a winter walk. - Say No When You Need To
It’s okay to decline invitations or skip obligations if they feel like too much. Be gentle with yourself and remember – there will be more Christmases in the future. - Manage Financial Expectations
If money is tight, discuss a realistic budget with your family. DIY gifts or thoughtful gestures can be just as meaningful as expensive presents. - Plan Ahead
Find out what support services will be available over the holidays and who you can contact in case of a crisis. Preparing ahead can ease anxiety. - Ask for Help
See if family, friends, or neighbours can offer extra support during the festive time. Even small acts of help can make a big difference - Make Time for Yourself
If possible, carve out moments of respite. Look into Carer Support Dorset’s support this December by going to their What’s On page. Creative activities like festive crafts can also be a great way to unwind, you can find this online – for example DIY decorations. - Set Boundaries with Family
If you’re seeing relatives, decide in advance what would make the visit more manageable. Communicate your needs clearly and don’t be afraid to prioritise your wellbeing.Lastly if you or your cared for is really struggling this Christmas, the Samaritans are open as normal during this time if you need it. You can visit their website here – https://www.samaritans.org/, or call them on 116 123.’
